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Proposals

It was reckoned as the paramount duty of the father, and other male members of the family in the absence of the father, to find a suitable spouse for the girl. The ''boy meets the girl" was never practiced. Nevertheless, there was no anxiety on the part of the parents for 'boy hunting'. Once the message of a girl having matured gets circulated, usually through a grapevine initiated by the Hajjamon or Dhami's wife, proposals were brought in by womenfolk making friendly visits to see the girl. As a rule, even proposals from close relatives or other acquaintances were not accepted immediately. It used to be said that, slippers would be torn and heels scorched in repeated visits and solicitations.

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Engagement

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Engagement, known as Sagai or colloquially Sarbatpeeno, was a purely male affair. The father of the boy accompanied by one or three male members of the family would visit the residence of the girl’s family, with prior appointment, and make the proposal to the girl’s father in the presence of one or more members of the girl’s family. The proposal when accepted became a firm understanding, yet not a covenant. Once such an understanding was reached between the two families the next step was to formalize it. A mutually convenient date for the ceremony would be decided instantly. 

Male members of the family, excluding the prospective bridegroom, accompanied by other male relatives and friends, would visit the girl's house. Usually the Jamath Seth and close male relatives were invited by the girl's side to be present at the function.

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A senior member would formally ask for the hand of the girl specifying his relationship with the boy and the name of the boy's father and his nukh (clan). He would also mention the name of the girl sought for and of her father and the nukh, for clarity in identification. The proposal would be responded by an elder from the girl's side, indicating acceptance. The engagement would be confirmed by the proposer handing over Mooda to the acceptor. Mooda essentially comprised of a gift of cash, a set of clothing for the girl and a pack of sweets, usually 5¼ seers (approximately five kilograms) of laddu or mysorepak ( mespak). The guests would then be  served with Sherbath, traditionally badamkheer, made of milk and grated almonds  (Hence the name Sarbatpeeno) followed by tea and Nankhattai or a lunch of biriyani as may be appropriate of the time. Thereafter started the preparation for the marriage which took anything between a few days and a couple of years or even more.

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Jagini

There were quite a few formalities while the marriage was pending. The most important of them was the Jagini - Jagarini, the Reminder. Immediately after the engagement the boy's mother or a sister or other relative, accompanied by close female relatives would visit the girl's house. The team carried a pack of sweets, usually mespak. The would be mother-in-law would put a gold bangle, Kangan, on the right hand of the girl as a token of the confirmation of the relationship and her acceptance of the girl as a member of the family. The girl, in turn, would kiss her hand as a token of gratitude. The individual members of the team would give cash gifts in turn when the girl kisses their right hand. This was known as Hath Chummani. The protocol was significant in that the first one to offer her hand must be the would be mother-in-law or whoever takes her place in lieu of her. Then followed others according to the nearness of relationship to the boy, and seniority in age. The visits were repeated during the pendency of the engagement as many times as occasions arose. Similar visits would take place by the womenfolk of the girl's household to the boy's to get acquainted with the boy's relatives. This was the old form of the present day 'Kitchen Viewing'.

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If Ramadan or an Eid intervened, sweets and dresses were exchanged by both sides by ceremonial visits. In Ramadan it was mandatory to send food and sharbat for Iftar by each side. Though no hard and fast rules were observed, the timings corresponded to 15th and 27th of the month. Dresses or suitable dress material was also exchanged for Eids, particularly for Eidul Fitr. Non-observance of this formality was viewed with contempt and was sufficient ground to break-up an alliance.

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