MOURNING AND COMMEMORATION
The Mourning Period
Altough Sharia countermanded observing mourning beyond three days, it was customary to prolong it to one whole year. During this period, members of the bereaved family refrained from every act of celebration. If marriages were held, the customary paraphernalia were made extremely simple, and so to say colourless. Sunnath was postponed. Eids became limited to bare formalities where purchasing new clothes was avoided and visiting was limited to elders living outside. Participation in any functions and feasts (Dawats) were confined to men, that too in a very conservative mood. The new widow observed pardah during the whole period of four months and ten days of Iddah (Iddo) and beyond; the entire womenfolk remained indoors for a year, without going out even for essentials like medical exigencies, as the Hakeems and Vaidyas were readily available on call. Almost every need was met while at home.
A Curious Custom
One of the beliefs of the ignorant was that the soul of the deceased person would linger around the qabr for three days and visit the home for forty days seeking food and water, and continue to be about the house for one year, before It would retire to a destination where all souls will reside until the day of judgment. It was reported, authentically that certain people, even now, used to place a bowl or glass of water outside the door, every night before they went to sleep. They would throw away the water next morning and repeat the ritual for 40 days.
Qabr Ziyarath
Qabr Ziyarath was a common feature on all Fridays and festive days like Eids and other days of religious importance. The visitors would pray for all their relatives and friends buried there, and extend the prayer to all other ‘residents’ of the place (Ahlul-quboor) and all believers in the world, living or dead. All such prayers had the common elements of seeking the forgiveness for the parents and blessings to the prophet, his family and companions. Poor feeding and alms giving were considered as giving comfort to the departed soul, if done with that aim in mind. It was also believed that there was a duty cast on the siblings and children to offer in charity, such food and other things the deceased could not be provided with while alive, in order to please the Ruh.
Commemoration
Holding memorial events such as Qul-khani was organized on the 3rd, 10th, 30th and 40th days as well as at the end of six months and one year, by the Islamic calendar, and was repeated annually. On the third and fortieth days, feasts were arranged for the whole community, preceded by a Moulood. On the third day, the day of Ziyarath, most of the male relatives who remained with the bereaved family and all male members of the family visited the qabr of the deceased to offer special prayers. The 40th day function would be advanced to the 39th day for a deceased male.
Decorating the qabr with flowers and burning incense sticks was commonplace. Extensive poor feeding was normal. It was repeated, at times with greater grandeur on the fortieth day, (Chaaryo). 10th and the 30th days as well as the semester were much informal, limited to visit to the qabr by male members of the family, offering prayers and feeding about seven mendicants.
First anniversary (Varsi) was more formal with moulud and feast for relatives and guests. Subsequent anniversaries were less formal with close relatives participating, and usually no mouluds. Qabr ziyarat was observed on all the occasions mentioned above.
Khata-al-Qur'an
Depending on the intensity of bondage and relationship, Holy Qur’an was repeatedly read by family members and the resultant blessing (Sawab) was bestowed on the deceased, through an appropriate prayer (Dua Khatam-al-Qur’an), specifying the number of repetitions completed (Khatams performed).
It was also a practice to engage a priest to read the Holy Qur’an and to offer the resultant Sawab to the deceased. There were also women who offered to make the Khatam for a fee. Priests were invited home to recite Surah Yaseen when they were offered special food and donation in cash, as Sharia prohibited receiving any remuneration for reciting or teaching the Qur’an or its parts; only a gift, Hadyah, was allowed. Priests at the shrines of Auliyas were also engaged to recite Surah Yaseen three, five or seven times and to bestow the Sawab on deceased relatives.